Hey Nerds,
It’s almost the end of 2020 and I want to get real with you all. Today I weighed 165lbs. That’s my new max weight and it was humbling stepping off that scale.
Before we dig into my current weight, I want to talk about how we got here. Let’s take a look at my weight, as I’ve tracked it through FitBit, over the years.
I started tracking my weight in 2013, with varying degrees of regularity. But it does give you a decent trend line.
As you can see, during this period my lowest weight is roughly 125lbs, with my max weight clocked in today at 165lbs. That’s a 40lb differential over 7 years.
Let’s look at some milestones throughout those years:
2013: I lost my job and consequently we tightened our purse strings. Dining out was a luxury we couldn’t afford and I was stressed out. Hence, the dip down to 125lbs. Then my father had a heart attack, followed by cardiac arrest in his sleep a week or so later. Tons of time in the hospital with family and friends bringing us fast food. A completely different kind of stress led to that steady weight gain.
2014: We moved back to Texas, plus my father passed away. Can you blame me for packing on a few pounds as I deal with my own grief?
2015: I top out this year at 150lbs. It’s a year of firsts without my father and, you know what, food comforts.
2016: A coworker and I start working out twice a week during lunch. I start becoming mindful of what I’m eating and I’m not only losing weight, but I’m changing my body composition. More muscle, less fat. I feel great – both physically and about myself. With that, I decide to change jobs. It’s a promotion and a raise, but the longer commute means I stop working out.
2017 and 2018: I start to see another upward trend. I attribute it completely to riding in the car 80 miles a day, 5 days a week. It doesn’t help I’m the office candy supply, so I have ample sugary snacks at my disposal throughout the day. <nom nom nom>
2019: By the time I finally bite the bullet and accept a job with a better commute, I’ve topped out at 162lbs. I’m working at a bigger company with a bigger office. More walking and a modified Keto diet have me back on track…except for the holidays, because I’ve never met a cookie I didn’t want to shove in my face.
2020: It’s a pandemic. We’re all stuck at home. While I’m unemployed, I have plenty of time to work out…but once I get a new job I start adopting bad habits again and here I am at 165lbs.
You’re not fat, you’re just trending that way.
Yup, you read that correctly. That’s one of the wake up calls I received from a doctor. It stung, but it’s stuck with me.
I want to be honest, weight is literally just a number. An unhealthy weight has more to do than the combination of numerals. It’s about height and body mass and other factors. But I will acknowledge that I’m a small person. I’m on the shorter side and have always been pretty petite. 165lbs on my frame is, decidedly, not healthy. That’s a statement of fact. For the last several months I’ve experienced pretty persistent lower back pain and tendonitis in my hips. I need to prioritize my health and that’s where I find myself. At a crossroads where I can continue the unhealthy habits I have come to adopt, or I can bust the trend and create a new one.
So what can I do?
Excellent question, dear nerds. For starters, my success begins and ends with me. Someone else isn’t going to come in and make better choices for me. I am my own keeper and I have to commit. Commit to:
- A diet that’s fulfilling, not just filling
- Remaining mindful of my feelings and emotions, so I can address them appropriately and not just with food and/or alcohol
- Focusing on home cooked meals, where I can decide what goes into my meals
- Exploring the work of Dr. Gundry and reducing lectins from my diet
- Weaning myself back off Coke
- Stretch!
- Moving my body (and that is open to interpretation–dancing in the kitchen, biking on the recumbent bike, walking around the neighborhood, etc.)
- Trying intermittent fasting (I’ve read some really interesting data on the benefits of fasting from 8pm to 12pm and I want to explore if that might work for me)
- Giving my mental health the attention is deserves
- Break unhealthy habits (like slouching at my desk or late night snacking)
- Not taking a setback as failure and giving up completely
In the end, the focus isn’t to just lose weight. Yeah, that is a quantifiable way to track progress, but it’s not what’s important. It’s getting to a point where I feel confident and comfortable with my body. Presently, I’m not there. I see the fat that wasn’t there before and I feel shame. Because again, my success begins and ends with me. I want to get to the point to when my Nerd Partner 4 Life tells me I’m beautiful, I see it too. And in the end, I want to be happy. Happy with myself. Happy with my life. Most days I am, but the last couple of days…as my weight crept higher and higher on the scale…I’ve spiraled.
Fun Fact: I don’t have a fun fact today. This was just a heartfelt post on my current struggles with body image, self acceptance, and weight. But if you’re feeling the same, know that you are more powerful that you know.
So as I prepare to say goodbye to 2020, I look to the new year and hope for better things. Better decisions on my part. More acceptance of myself. AND back pain relief.
Cheers,
Head Nerd