Hey Nerds,
Happy Holidays… No really, I do wish each and every one of you a very Happy Holidays. (And I say that because I mean all holidays and celebrations this time of year–Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Years, Diwali, Kwanzaa, Hanukkah, St. Lucia Day, St. Nicholas Day, Winter Solstice, Three Kings Day, etc.)
Ordinarily, this time of year is my jam. Christmas is my favorite holiday. I love sending Christmas cards and shopping for Christmas gifts all year for my family and friends. Then there’s the baking, tree decorating, and hanging lights on the house. And let’s not forget the UGLY SWEATERS. My NP4L and I wear new ones each year for Christmas. It’s a tradition, of sorts, for us. (This year it’s Gryffindor and Slytherin. Can you guess who is which?)
Funkytown – Population: 1 Nerd
But this year, I’m just not feeling it. I usually have my three (yes, three!) Christmas trees up the day after Thanksgiving. One 6 foot green artificial tree with purple (and sometimes white) lights bedecked in Hallmark ornaments ornaments gifted to me by my mother over the years (hello my Frosty Friends!) and ornaments bought from our travels over the years. Then there are the two maybe 3 foot artificial trees, one red and one purple. The red is decorated in University of Nebraska ornaments, while the purple is reserved for TCU.
I had every intention of getting these down from the attic, but once I was up there I couldn’t muster up the energy or the drive. Instead I grabbed the little box holding a small gold tree we bought last year for my family’s AirBnB and called it a day. It’s maybe 1.5 feet tall, has little red, green, and gold ornaments, and a small red tree skirt. It’ll do.
Now, I live for driving around and looking at Christmas lights. It will pick me up from even the funkiest of funks. Consequently, I couldn’t NOT put lights up on the house. So we do have some pretty icicle lights around our front porch. But even that was done hastily with a step ladder after I logged off from work one night. Honestly, they look good. Better than all of the other lights solutions I’ve tried with this house since I bought it almost three years ago.
So What HAVE I done?
Apart from putting up the world’s smallest gold tree and begrudgingly hang lights?
Well, I was on top of my Christmas cards. So on top of it, that I didn’t remember we were going to the Texas State Fair and getting a photo with Big Tex. The result? I ordered 120 cards with a photo of the two of us at a TCU football game and then 25 more with Big Tex with our masks on to match his. That one reads “Wishing you a Merry Tex-mas!” I’m proud of that one and random individuals received that version. Cards went out the week after Thanksgiving, once I finally received stamps.
Fun Fact: It takes the postal service 7-10 business days to mail your stamp order. I had my cards in the envelopes, returned address labeled, addressed, sealed and waiting for stamps for what seemed like weeks. However, I didn’t have to go into the post office to buy stamps. It’s a trade off.
I’ve also wrapped all of our gifts to family and friends, and mailed them off. Giving gifts this year was less joyful, only because we couldn’t travel anywhere this year. Ordinarily we try to find things for family on our travels. Unique gifts from other countries to let them know we thought of them while out in the world. This year, I had to try to find gifts from Etsy and Amazon that fit everyone. Believe me, I know it’s the thought that counts. But we had a realization this year that we don’t need as many THINGS. So I don’t want to just give people things for the sake of gift giving. I thiiink I did an OK job, but I second guessed everything I bought for my NP4L’s soon-to-be step-nieces and step-nephew.
Oh and we’ve bought plenty of seasonal, winter beers. All the beers. SO much beer that sometimes fitting food in the fridge is an issue. Like when I forgot I had a Hello Fresh box coming the week of Thanksgiving and had taken the Thanksgiving meal down from the freezer to thaw in the fridge. <insert wide eye emoji>
So What’s My Deal?
That’s a great question. What IS my deal? We have our health. So far, my family has remained healthy (with a couple of COVID scares.) We have jobs and I can still pay my mortgage (that I’m currently attempting to refinance).
Maybe it’s seasonal depression of sorts? Or a COVID-related funk? I think I’m partly still bummed around the holidays without our grumpy old-man cat. He LOVED the Christmas tree. He’d lay under it and snoozle. Hell, when he was a kitten, he would sleep IN the tree. My roommate at the time and I would wonder where he was and then the tree would jostle and jingle. There he was curled up on a branch.
Also, the social distancing and isolation are wearing on me in the holidays. It’s the stuck at home, listening to traffic noise and neighbors bumping bass at night. Compounded with we made the tough decision to not get season tickets to TCU Men’s and Women’s basketball, so we’re watching all the games we can on Big 12 Now. There’s no holiday parties at work. No gift exchanges. Ordinarily my favorite time of the year, this December is meh.
It’s OK to not be OK
My first impulse is to try to fix myself. What can I change to make myself happy and enjoy the season? If I’m normally happy, I can certainly be happy.
You know what? It’s really and truly OK to not be OK. 2020 is weird and shitty and thankfully almost over. Tomorrow the United States will begin administering a vaccine to the first group of recipients. Hope is on the horizon and I have a whole new year to look forward to starting in 18 days. But for the moment, I’m not going to force myself to find the holiday cheer that is missing from my daily life.
I’ll still pull out the holiday movies and bake some treats. We’ll drink our (responsible) share of winter beer. And I’ll get through December with our scaled back holiday decor. I just need to remember that my level of shitty doesn’t compare to the level of shitty others may have this year. There are people facing evictions, going hungry, facing crippling depression, or wondering if they will have a Christmas.
Also, I’ve gone out of my way to try to help. I dropped off my Angel Tree gifts for my angel back on 12/4 at the Hulen Mall. My sister’s church had a few angels that still needed gifts, so I Venmoed her money to help fill the gaps. And I plan to make a donation to the North Texas Food Bank. Right now, donations to the NTFB are matched for DOUBLE the impact. The Sammons Enterprises and the Beaumont Foundation of America will match donations dollar for dollar up to $200,000. If you are in a position to help, please consider donating to either the NTFB or your local food bank this holiday season.
And I can’t end this without saying that if you are experiencing a mental health crisis, there are SO many resources you can turn to for help. There is nothing braver than seeking help. In Texas, you can turn to the following resources.
Stay healthy, nerds, and endeavor to have the happiest of holidays. Whatever that may look like for you.
Cheers,
Head Nerd